Homesickness

Homesickness, as defined by Wiki (Wikipedia) is the following: "Homesickness is generally described as a feeling of longing for one's familiar surroundings. It frequently occurs when one travels or, more rarely, when one experiences a sense of tumult within a familiar context. Homesickness is especially common in youth - one may experience a sense of dread or helplessness on their first day of school, or on a protracted summer vacation away from their parents, or during university, when many "leave the nest."

Here's my description: Homesickness bites my ass. Literally. It's like a tidal wave that you can't predict. Some days the ocean is calm, other days you're drowning. Like today - the minute I got on the bus to work I could feel the tears rise up. I made it into my office long enough to tell my boss I just couldn't do today and then turn around and get back on the bus home.

So, I keep trying to identify the triggers...I mean, besides the obvious "You're in another country, away from your house, away from your cat, away from your friends, away from your family."

Sometimes the hardest part for me is when I have contact with people from home. As much as I love Skype and being able to talk to people so easily - it's draining. When I get off the phone I have to extricate myself from Atlanta or CA or Alaska and recenter myself back in Canberra. That's why I've limited my time logged on at home and talking to people.. it's tough to maintain solid footing in both worlds. Because, let's face it, THIS is my world. Here in Canberra. My relationships with everyone have already changed. They probably changed the day I left town. I can't hold on too tight or I miss out on life here.

I got a package from my sister today and was able to talk to her while I opened it. Thank goodness I was able to share the opening process with her, otherwise it would have been too overwhelming. I think that's part of why this morning was tough... it takes a special effort to get to the post office because I have to either be late to work, come back on my lunch hour, or leave work early due to the hours. So it's an event to get a package. And packages are so great because they bring a piece of home here, but that's what makes them so hard too. So at least today I was able to talk to Maggie while I opened everything so the distance wasn't as acute.

Another thing that made me feel sad today - the brand of the glass on the windows in the bus. It's Plinkington, the same brand of glass that was used to replace the driver's side window in the truck after Christmas vacation last year. I remember because it's similar to Pennington, the street my house is on. I saw that on the glass this morning and it made me sad. Usually I can just notice it and move on. Not today.

And, as much fun as it's been to escape into 90210 land for the last couple of days - it does something to my head. Watching these people who used to be so familiar in clothes that I used to wear and in situations I've been in (okay, I've never saved a surfer girl, or been arrested for drunk driving, or fallen in love with a murder witness...but I have been to prom, had sex for the first time with my high school boyfriend, fought with friends, been worried about the SAT)...again, it's difficult to extricate into reality sometimes. I keep opening my closet expecting to find my high waisted jean shorts and boxy, extra-large T-shirts.

This really is a roller coaster and I don't know that I'm describing it very well. Most of the time I feel great and I know that I've made some fundamental changes in the last 2 months that are very positive and make me very happy. But there are times when I feel like I've been hit by a dump truck of emotions.

But, I'm also starting to realize that my home isn't a tangible place. My home is where my heart is. It's a new home here in Canberra but there are people here who make it feel right. And I'm so lucky to have a piece of every single one of my friends and family in my heart that I can turn to when I get overwhelmed and alleviate some of the homesickness.