Late night musings

I took myself to a movie tonight. I put on my new white sundress (I ADORE white sundresses and am totally stoked that I've found, at least for now, the perfect one) and walked to the theater in Manuka, about a 20 minute walk away. I saw The Holiday, which was a pretty good flick. I like Cameron Diaz a lot and saw a lot of myself in her in this movie. And isn't that what the movies are all about? A chance to see the best (okay - and the worst) parts of yourself on screen, living a life that isn't ours?

My favorite quote from the movie this evening came from the old Hollywood screenwiter character, played by Eli Wallach, but delivered by Kate Winslet. "Shouldn't every one be the leading lady of their own life?" Too true.

As I walked home, alone, past the bars in Manuka and Kingston, I could hear all the people partying, see all the crowds. And there was only the smallest part of me that wanted to participate. I was quite happy to be enjoying my walk home... my SAFE walk home... at midnight, on a beautiful summer evening, with a clear sky (and a whole new set of stars that I don't know. Not that I know the stars at home, but you get my drift. I've been told it's a whole different set down here. I'll take their word for it.) But I digress...

On the walk home I thought a lot about the search for HIM. You know HIM. That guy that I seem to be thinking off - a perfect combination of all the right pieces of all the right people (and I'm sure I'm not alone in this... anyone who's single has thought about this person). He pops up every now and then, but is very elusive. In the movies, you can move to another country and find them right away. Of course, in a movie, you're working on a 2 hour time frame, so things happen a little more quickly. But the point is, even though I mused about HIM tonight, I also realized that it's all pointless if I'm not doing things that make me happy.

I thought of going into one of the clubs and getting a drink. In fact, that had been my original plan this evening, but as I walked by all the crowds, I realized that I really just wanted to go home. There was no need to think that HE is in one of those clubs right now. HE's not even aware that he is HIM. I don't even know that he's HIM. (are you confused yet?) So who knows where he is? As long as I do the things that make my life complete, I have no need to worry about HIM, when HE'll come along, if I've met HIM already... any of that malarkey is just a distraction from my being the leading lady in my own life. And, as dull as it may sound, the screenplay of my life had me watching a movie and enjoying the walk home and going to sleep, content with my life as it is. Knowing that I don't have to wait for one day when HE'll come along to complete it, because it's pretty darn good right now.

If he's out there, he'll fit into my life. Somehow. Somewhere.