Leave me Alone (I'm Lonely)

I've been pretty pissy the last couple of days. Work has been frustrating, and I've just been sort of cranky.

To top it all off, this evening I took the 38 bus home, which I absolutely HATE. There are 2 buses from Kingston to Woden, and for the first 8 months I took the 38 almost exclusively. Then I just couldn't do it anymore. The other one is the 83, and I MUCH prefer it. Both buses take literally the same amount of time to get to Woden, but the 83 always has a new bus, goed through better neighborhoods, and has less scrubby people. The 38 is always an old bus, and tonight I just couldn't take it. And even though I know that they take the same amount of time, I feel like the 38 tediously takes twice as long. It's even more tedious because of the stale alcohol and body odor smells from the bus and my fellow passengers. The 83 never smells. I know that it puts me in a bad mood to ride the 38, so I try as much as possible to avoid it, although it runs much more frequently than the 83, so sometimes I don't have a choice.

Yuck.

It just adds to my general feeling lately - I am desperately lonely sometimes, and feel completely overwhelmed at others. I just want to be with my people at home, where it's easier, where I CAN fill my evenings with people and things to do if I want to. Or stay home alone if I want to. Here I feel like the default is home alone, and as much as I may enjoy it, from time to time it just grates that I can't come up with something else to do, with someone. I realize I have to put some effort in, but sometimes I just don't want to.

I think it's just related to my knowing that I'll be home in 2 weeks. And that I'll be in Atlanta in 3 weeks, and then back here. I'm very excited to come home, but anxious about not being alone, even though I am lonely and missing people. It's a dual thing. And I'm okay with that, but sometimes it's just too much.

I'm definitely connecting much more wth people here, a few girls at work and my soccer team. I love spending time with them, but it's hard when I leave them - I feel really high that I'm with people that get me and like me, but on the other hand they are new people and I realize that they need to augment my life here, not make my life here. Which of course assumes I have my own life here.

Oi.