I've been thinking...
I've been living with the assumption that, when I meet that one guy, somehow I'll know. There will just be a feeling and it'll be straightforward and I'll just know. Maybe that's not true. What if it's not true?
Three or four of the people I started with at Berkeley now have their PhDs. That means that in the time I've known them, I could have gotten my PhD. But I only have a Master's. It makes me feel like I somehow haven't lived up to my potential. That somehow the time window to 'achieve all I can' is somehow gone. And I talk about a PhD like it's mine already - just waiting for me to go out there and get it. Maybe I need to let go of that.
As much as I don't want to believe that skin is affected by diet, it probably is. I should stop eating Cheezels and Butterfingers and Starburst. I'm sure it's all being reflected on my skin, if not around my waistline. Thank god for not having a car. It makes me think I can get away with eating like crap. Maybe my skin is trying to tell me something.
If there really isn't a 'feeling' that I'll get when I meet that person, than what? What if I can never trust someone enough to let them in far enough to even know if I like them?
posted by Katie @ 9:02 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
OK....a couple of points. First, it's never to late to get your PhD (or any other degree for that matter). My mom (and SEVERAL of her friends) when back in their 40's and 50's to get PhDs. I believe my mom was 56 when she graduated. I couldn't be more proud of Dr. Mom. She now has a job at CDC with the flexibility to travel with my dad when he's on business (which is frequently).
Second, even if you don't get your PhD you still have your Master's...not JUST a Master's but you have a graduate-level degree. A good portion of people don't graduate high school, much less college, and then from one of the finest public health schools in the country. With that said, your are brilliant and hard working and you would have no problem getting your PhD.
Third, about the "feeling" thing....I think many people's perception of love is skewed by the movies (and books). We so frequently bombarded with images of what relationships are “suppose to be like” and what we are suppose to feel when we meet Mr. Right. Well, it’s a load of hoarse poop. In particular, I love how Hollywood romanticize sex……rose petals on the bed, candlelight, etc…..maybe once in a blue moon but that’s not everyday reality. Reality is “honey, it’s been one stressful, tiring week. I really don’t want to but we haven’t had sex in a week so let’s have a ‘family meeting’ at 8:00 after we put the baby to bed. Or should we schedule a rain check for tomorrow or, even better, this weekend?” Yes, there are butterflies and excitement when you start dating someone but it’s unrealistic to think that you wouldn’t have questions about whether this person is “the one” or not. Don’t buy into the Hollywood crap.
My fourth and final point is that it’s hard to trust people…period. It’s even harder to trust someone with your heart. The trust will come but it takes time and continued work.
Hang in there.
Thanks JMN! Comments like these make me miss going to the Starbucks in Decatur with you for a chat in the afternoons - you're so good at the 'bigger picture'. Miss you!
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